There is a quiet pressure in modern life to be happy. Not just occasionally happy, but the consistently upbeat, positive, grateful, thriving type of happy. Scroll through social media or walk past a bookstore shelf and the message is clear. If you are not feeling good, you are doing something wrong.
In The Importance of Being Miserable, Eamon Evans questions that assumption. He does not argue that happiness is bad or that joy should be avoided. Instead, he challenges the idea that happiness is meant to be our default setting.
One of his central points is that the expectation of constant happiness is relatively new. For much of human history, life was understood as unpredictable and often difficult. Happiness was something that happened, not something that could be manufactured through effort, mindset, purchases or the right morning routine. The modern belief that we should be able to engineer our mood sets us up for disappointment.
Evans suggests that when we treat unhappiness as a failure, we add a second layer of suffering. It is not just that we feel sad or frustrated. It is that we feel we should not be feeling that way. That extra judgement can be heavier than the original emotion.
There is something oddly relieving in his argument. Sadness, disappointment, boredom, even a sense of misery at times, are not signs that life has gone wrong. They are part of being human. They can sharpen our thinking, deepen our relationships, and connect us to others who are also struggling.
The book does not offer a formula to eliminate discomfort. In fact, it does the opposite. It invites us to stop fighting so hard against normal human experience. When we loosen our grip on the idea that we must always be happy, we often find a steadier kind of contentment. Not the loud, sparkling version sold to us, but something quieter and more sustainable.
I have been going through a hard time recently but I’ve been noticing glimmers – moments of unexplained joy or peace from little things. Like the sound of the rainbow bee-eaters from my yard even when I can’t see them, the little girl at the shop who waved to me (I think she liked my shark t-shirt). Just little pieces of happiness that I have been appreciating.
Perhaps the goal is not to feel good all the time. Perhaps it is to live honestly, with room for the full range of emotions that come with that.
And sometimes, that includes being a little bit miserable.
You can listen to Eamon on ABC Conversations